We can be our own worst critic

People use the term "social anxiety" as well as "social phobia" to describe strong and enduring fears that others are judging you, as well as a fear of being embarrassed or humiliated by your actions.

Social anxiety can take on many forms, including:

• Shyness
• Performance Anxiety
• Public Speaking Anxiety & Stage Fright
• Social isolation

People with social anxiety or social phobia often suffer in their work, family, and romantic relationships because they are unable to feel comfortable with others. They often wish to connect and create meaningful relationships with others, but do not know how to overcome their fears.

Other common behaviors associated with social anxiety and social phobia include:

• Hypersensitivity to criticism, disapproval, or perceived signs of rejection from others
• Lack of assertiveness due to fear of being criticized, disapproved of, or rejected
• Excessive need for reassurance of being liked by others before demonstrating a willingness to become involved with them
• Reluctance to engage in new activities or take personal risks because of the potential for embarrassment and humiliation
• Social isolation or excessive involvement in isolating activities such as reading, video games, etc.
• Very limited or no close friendships outside of immediate family
• Physiological symptoms of anxiety in social settings such as sweating, increased heart rate, tension, trembling.

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Social Phobia / Social Anxiety and Eating Disorders

Sometimes social anxiety and social phobia are related to body dysmorphic or eating disorders. People with body dysmorphic disorder become preoccupied with an imagined defect in appearance, and people with eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, often report feeling that they are overweight even when they are not. Sometimes social anxiety or social phobia can play a role when people believe there is something wrong with their body or appearance that accounts for a fear of judgement from others or a sense of shame and humiliation relating to their physical appearance. Sometimes people will make excessive efforts to work out or lose weight in order to feel acceptable to others.

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Social Anxiety, Social Phobia and Children in Oakland

Social anxiety and social phobia symptoms are a normal part of child and adolescent development. Some research also suggests that some people are more disposed to be more shy than others. It is normal for a child to feel anxiety when separating from a parent on their first day of school, for example. It is also quite normal for adolescents to report a great deal of anxiety about feeling accepted or judged by their peers. So, as a parent or caregiver, it can challenging to access social anxiety and social phobia.

One very good resource is your child's teacher. He or she will have a very good sense of how engaged your child is in social activities. If you child is older, or an adolescent, you can generally depend on them to tell you as well. Even though social anxiety and social phobia are normal parts of growing up, it is still quite acceptable to seek help for these concerns.

In children, social anxiety can also appear as:

• Separation Anxiety - or a fear of being separated from a caregiver, such as dropping off at school
• Selective Mutism - a fear of speaking in certain situations, usually related to a fear of being judged

 

Children develop their sense of self-esteem based upon how the adults and caregivers in their lives treat them. Showing children unconditional love and positive regard can go a very long way toward addressing social anxiety and social phobia. If your child has been involved with the foster care system or has suffered child abuse, neglect, or abandonment, you may be able to address their symptoms of social anxiety and social phobia by strengthening their bond with safe, stable people and addressing the symptoms of their trauma.

Teens are not always able to build a strong bond with caregivers because they are busy learning to be independent. Often teens are able to create this kind of bond with a mentor or safe adult outside of their immediate family, instead of a parent, who can show them how to become an independent adult. I am very happy to provide a mentoring or role-model relationship to teens, particularly boys, to help them build a sense of self-esteem that can help them socially.

If your teen or adolescent child is motivated to attend therapy to work through his or her social anxiety or social phobia, there are a great many effective interventions available. Even if your teen is unmotivated to work on social anxiety, it can be very helpful for them to have a positive relationship with a safe and caring adult. I am happy to work with kids and teens who have social anxiety through my practice in Oakland.

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